The comfort zone was killing me

CHANGE.  I needed a change, but I didn’t want to change my husband, my family, and my friends because I love them. So what was I to change?  

I’m 52 years old, living in Winnipeg, with a nice job, but the meaning and feeling of “nice” is killing me. The comfort zone of working with  nice people, having plenty of holidays, and working reasonable hours are not enough.  I ask myself, “Do I see myself doing the same over and over and over for the next 10 years?” My answer is no.  I really want to work at something that challenges me. What am I to do? I make the decision to go back to school, to become a full-time student.

Holstee Manifesto 

To arrive to my decision was a long journey:  I had to figure out what I wanted to study, feel confident about probably being the eldest student in the classroom, and have the courage to study in a language that is not my first language.  I sought help, worked with a coach, and learned that I needed to look for something that suits who I am..

I’m energetic.

I’m passionate.

I’m self demanding.

I’m supportive of others.

I’m eager to learn.

I love having projects.

I’m confident, yet I’m insecure.

I’m friendly.

I have a family that supports me.

I have friends who support me.

I have many questions that I don’t have the answers for. What else do I need? What will I do when I finish studying? What kind of job do I want? Will I find the job I want? Will my memory work in the same way it used to? Do I need to be successful? What is the meaning of being successful?  Am I too old to go back to school? For months, these questions haunt me day and night. Then, one day I realize that leaving my comfort zone and experiencing something new  will be nurturing. By enjoying the present, I know that in the end everything will be right.

A few years ago, when I put together my portfolio, I wrote, “When you love what you do, it is not difficult to put your best forward.” My wish is to have this feeling in my next job. My journey has begun…